Stark Industries presents Not-Nutella Nutella
by wuemsel
Summary: Breakfast at Stark Tower. Best time of the day to show around new inventions and make Bruce blush. (And Steve.)


**WARNINGS:** Swearing, nonsense science, science boyfriends heavily hinted at (Serious, if you don't see it, you're worse than Steve.) and shameless product placement.

**STARK INDUSTRIES PRESENTS NOT-NUTELLA NUTELLA**

_by wuemsel_

It was rather uncommon for the sometimes-roomies of Stark Tower to gather together for breakfast, and it didn't happen for a particular reason that day, but just because Tony and Bruce were still awake when Clint and Natasha got up, and they stayed long enough for Steve to join them, and then Clint and Tony got into a battle of rambles about some punk band the others had never heard of, and so all of them were still sitting in the kitchen, when Thor and Jane showed up.

Thor and Clint were the only ones who really ate breakfast, the others tended to just drink too much coffee and sit around staring into space, as one did in the morning, except for Bruce, who drank green tea.

That particular morning, he also seemed to be falling asleep with his head in his hand and the other curled around a now cold Iron Man merchandise mug. His eyes had fallen closed even before Thor and Jane had sat down at the breakfast bar, and Natasha, who was sitting next to him, thought she could hear him snore snoftly into his palm.

"What d'you want for breakfast?" Clint asked Thor, not pausing between his latest turn at describing the awesomeness of that punk band nobody but Tony knew and the question. He had got up to open the fridge and stuck his head in, saying, "There's cheese, leftover pizza, leftover Chinese, more cheese, leftover pasta, melted ice cream, leftover Bannerfood, cheese, cheese... and... this." He reached inside to grab a tupperware box containing something brown-ish, then raised his brows and held it out for the others to see. It had a large piece of duct tape on it that said 'PROPERTY OF STARK INDUSTRIES'.

"Oh, yeah, try that," Tony said, ignoring the questioning glances. "It's the best. I made it. Bruce made it," he instantly corrected with a side glance at his still sleeping lab partner, "but I named it and it's in my tupperware. So it's more mine than his. Try it, it's awesome."

Clint cast him a doubtful look, then opened the lid with all the care of a trained superhero expecting a trap. He held the box far away from his body in a dramatic gesture, waiting, and when nothing happened, sniffed at it.

"Go on, it's the best. Bruce, hey, honeyfrog." Tony nudged Bruce arm that held his head, causing the precarious pose to collapse and Bruce to almost hit his forehead against the tabletop.

"Oh my god, did I hur... uh..." Blinking his panic-wide eyes in numbing confusiuon, Bruce looked about, then frowned slightly and swallowed, quickly running a hand over his face and through his towsled hair. "Uh, sorry, I musta... uh... that band sounds... awe...som..." He watched Tony like a temporarily deaf person trying to read lips, then concluded, "..some...horrible?"

Nobody reacted to his reaction to snapping awake anymore; in the beginning they might have found it heartbreaking but they had gotten used to it over time (and it wasn't like that other thing he did where he made excuses for people who had hurt him in the past, that was harder to ignore). Instead, they looked back at Tony, who not only ignored Bruce's usual waking-up-question, but also the blatant proof of his not having heard a word of what had been said regarding The Awesomest Band in the Galaxy, but in an excited voice declared, "Thor's gonna try the Tony Stark Chocolate Explosion Pudding Cup of Awesomeness."

At Natasha's change of expression, he frowned. "What? Imagine that on a twenty-foot ad poster. It'll sell like-"

"Nutella," Clint said. He had sat down again with the box still in hand, a spoon in the other. "This is nutella."

"My name's better. Our name's better," Tony said.

"That's not our name," Bruce said in a tone that suggested he had said it a lot recently.

"Serious, guys, this is nutella," Clint said and held the box out for Steve, who had grabbed a spoon.

"No," Tony said. "It may be *like* nutella, but it's better in more ways than even I could invent."

"I wouldn't put that on the ad," Natasha said, but also grabbed a spoon to try the Tony Stark Chocolate Explosion etc etc.

"Well, yeah," Bruce said tiredly, scratching his head, "it's a bit like... oh fuck. It tastes exactly like nutella. Jarvis pointed that out to us numerous times last night."

"Pep, too," Tony said.

"Yeah," Bruce said, sounding resigned. "But it's still different. A bit." Seemingly unconsciously, he picked up his teaspoon and scooped up a bit of the not-nutella-nutella.

"I don't taste it," Clint said around a mouthful. "Different how?"

"What *is* this... nutella?" Thor asked, but was ignored.

"For one," Bruce said, reaching out again for another spoonful, "there's no milk in this."

Natasha moved her mouth like a wine-taster and made an impressed face at that.

"And no sugar, no nuts, no cocoa and no phosphor," Bruce continued.

After the briefest hesitation, Steve, Jane and Natasha lowered their spoons and leaned back in their chairs as if trying to create distance between themselves and the ingridents-less paste.

Clint frowned, swallowed and scooped up more. "There's phosphor in nutella?"

"No," Bruce said, "but not in this, either. We tried, and it didn't work."

"So," Steve asked, discreetly shoving his spoon away with a fingertip, "what *is* in it?"

"Stuff," Bruce said, waving his hand a little. "Never mind. It's not harmful. If anything, it's healthier than... Well. It has less calories," he said after a moment's thought.

Jane picked up her spoon again.

"It's quite sweet," Thor said.

"It has three different kinds of sweetener in it. To one of which Bruce reacts like it was sugar injected intravenously into his main artery," Tony said with a grin at Bruce.

Bruce blushed and poutily sucked his spoon.

"He gets high," Tony told the others as if that hadn't been clear. "It's the cutest thing you've ever seen. Forget that red panda on youtube I showed you the other day, it's way cuter than that."

"That's impossible," Natasha said matter-of-factly and Steve nodded solemnly.

"Well, it's almost as cute," Tony said, unaware or ignoring Bruce glaring at him, while he reached out to spoon more nutella-like cutenizer into his mouth.

"We can all agree on Bruce being cute," Clint said, munching, "but why are you inventing scary-chemical chocolate-less chocolate spread in the first place? Aren't you supposed to invent... uh... what *are* you doing in that lab all the fucking time, anyway? Really now? 'cept for the hole-punch-waltz, I mean," he added as an afterthought, not even looking up, but scooping more non-nutella onto his spoon. Therefor he missed Steve and Bruce's ears glowing bright red and Natasha hiding a smirk.

"I wondered the same thing," Tony said, unimpressed. "And it wasn't supposed to be chocolate-less chocolate spread. Isn't that right, cloverbear?" Not waiting for Bruce to reply to that, he continued, "It's a chocolate flavoured Hulk-preventer." He was so visibly enjoying sharing this information Natasha almost felt sorry for Bruce.

"Yeah?" Clint asked, casting Bruce a wry look. "We cover you in this when you start growling?"

"So gross," Jane muttered, while Tony lifted one brow at Bruce in a 'Why haven't *I* thought of it?-so gonna'-kind of way.

"It's applied orally," Bruce muttered, doing his best to sound unimpressed and also to avoid Tony's look. "And it was supposed to have a calming effect. Short-term, just so I could get back in control if something unforseen was happening. To," he made a little circle with his spoon in the air as if that explained anything, "turn a dangerous transformation into a good one." He nodded and sucked his spoon as if for emphasis.

"And... that's why there's three kinds of sweetener in it to which you react like a red panda," Natasha pointed out.

"For taste," Bruce mumbled around the spoon.

"It works, too," Tony said. "He's eaten a jar of it so far and," he waved in Bruce's general direction, "no Hulk. Go on," he nudged Steve's arm, "poke him. Totally calm."

Natasha cast him a mock frown. "Remember the talk we had about urging people to poke Bruce?" She'd never admit it, but she almost had to work hard at hiding her smile at Bruce's blush. (And Thor's snorfled giggle.)

"I hope you didn't try that in the lab," Steve said with a frown at Bruce and at Bruce's questioning glance explained, "Poking or the like. To see if this stuff works. You should always do that in the safe room."

It was obvious Bruce found it rather unfair that Steve kept looking at him with that worried, half-chiding expression, while all the others could stifle their grins of various stages discreetly and unseen. Proving just how very in control he was, though, Bruce managed to just nod curtly, then quickly bowed his head and cleared his throat.

"You're so right, Cap," Tony said. "From now on, poking Bruce is a safe-room only occupation."

Clint snorfled. Jane just rolled her eyes, and Steve, after a quick surprised look at Tony, blushed. It looked quite adorable.

He opened his mouth, "..." and closed it again, following Bruce's example of clearing his throat.

Only after he'd revelled enough in the sight did Tony notice Bruce's gaze on him and turned his head to see his 'oh really?'-expression.

"Well. When it's... scientific... poking," Tony said in a lower voice, arching his brows as if apologetically.

Bruce still looked at him.

"With... science?" Tony tried, by now more or less unaware (or not caring) of the others watching their little exchange.

"How much science?" Bruce asked.

"Loads." Tony nodded, frowning earnestly now. "Real... serious... hard science. Science to burn."

Steve looked at Natasha for help. She just shook her head curtly, while Bruce said, "Okay," and dipped his spoon in the jar Clint still held, then proceeded to lick off the chocolate spread.

Tony watched him do that for about five seconds, before rather hastily getting to his feet and grabbing Bruce's collar, dragging him off the chair. "That reminds me... uh... experiments... You know, hard facts. Science!" he called out, hurrying them both to the door, but stopped suddenly, turned and snatched the not-nutella jar out of Clint's hands with a cheesy little wink at him.

Bruce just stood waiting in the doorway, sucking the spoon and looking uncharacterstically smug, before Tony pushed the jar in his hand and him out the door.

The remaining towermates chuckled lightly to themselves, returning to breakfast, all but Jane, who turned her head from having watched after Bruce and Tony to look at Thor, frowning slightly as she studied him. "Science sounds... uh... C-can I talk to you for a, uh, a second?" she said, smiling at him and doing her best Tony-impression of dragging him up, which didn't work, obviously. Politely, he stood and followed her out the door.

Natasha looked from the door to Clint, who was contemplating the remaining items on the breakfast table. "Wanna fuck, too?"

Clint shrugged and picked up a piece of discarded salami he found on the table.

"Yeah, me neither," Natasha said, lifting her coffee mug. "You?" she asked Steve, smiling at the blush. "Kidding. Let's go watch cartoons." With that, she stood to walk over to the couch/TV area. Clint followed her, grabbing random pieces of breakfast off the table.

Steve watched them and eventually joined them, too, just in time to start humming the first lines of "Du-Du-Du-Du-Du-Du-Du-Du Batmaaaan!" with them.

**THE END**


End file.
